Today is part 2 of a 3-part series about single adults. My guest blogger for this important series is Dr. PJ Dunn, founder of Table For One Ministries.

If you are joining us for the first time, please check out the first post titled “Who Are Singles?” in which Dr. Dunn defines who singles are and how to connect singles to your church and small group ministry.

To not reach singles is to not reach your community. Being a singles-friendly church is more than a program or a ministry. It is embracing all types of singles, identifying and understanding their unique life stages, and creating ways to engage them. All of us can help our churches see singles so we can reach singles.

Reach and engage

Let’s start with each type of single adult and one way to engage them in your church, and one way to reach them in their community.

• Collegiate Singles
  • Engage: Involve them in leading, serving, and missions.
  • Reach: Create a group where non-academic 18-22 year-olds can connect.
• Singles Never Married
  • Engage: Desire for community, don’t assume they want to date.
  • Reach: They search for the word “single” to find you but are not defined by it.
• Dating Singles
  • Engage: New dating possibilities are highly valued in/out of “dating.”
  • Reach: Growing groups with new guests often attract people looking to date.
• Engaged Singles
  • Engage: Offer a place to grow as a couple while still single.
  • Reach: Most engaged couples cohabitate and need help moving forward to be married.
• Divorced Singles
  • Engage: Transparent conversations mindful that marriages end and people are hurting.
  • Reach: Promote divorce recovery options and a place to connect to other singles.
• Single Parents
  • Engage: Never assume how they became a single parent; offer child care for single parents.
  • Reach: Connect to other relationships as they are missing a co-parent for their family.
• Widows
  • Engage: Remember. widows are of all ages and desire to be seen.
  • Reach: Offer environments to remember spouses and connect to new relationships.
• Same-Sex Attraction
  • Engage: Define the “win” as becoming complete in Christ, not marriage.
  • Reach: Communicate our struggle with sin and victory only in Jesus.

Common mistakes

Mistakes happen, and they are almost always from a place of misunderstanding. When it comes to our churches, being single-friendly starts with knowing the 8 types of singles, how to reach and engage them, then adapting our communication to include them. Here are some common missteps we see with churches trying to connect with everyone but often leaving out singles.

• “Mom/Dad, take the kids.”
  • When we ask parents to provide childcare for events, we isolate more than 50% of families. 40% are single (and even more are married but don’t have a trusted partner to leave the children with). On your next women’s or men’s event, don’t assume childcare is possible for everyone. Offer childcare options for everyone, even if you are not officially providing childcare for the event.
• “When you are married one day.”
  • Sermon illustrations and passing conversations sometimes assume a nuclear family (dad/mom/son/daughter). There is an assumption that you are going to be married, and that you will desire to have children. Jesus was single. The author of most of the New Testament (the Apostle Paul) was single. As a church family, having a shared value of being complete in Christ will help your church communicate to all people that this is the true goal, not necessarily marriage.
• “Date Night.”
  • One of the worst offenses is the use of “date night” as a term in our churches. If you are a single parent, you might assume this is a night for you to go on a date and have childcare provided by the church. If you are a dating single, you might think this is some kind of singles mixer! Almost always, the church means “date night” for married couples to have a night away from the kids so they might enjoy dinner, a movie, or a guest speaker at the church. It seems trivial, but to reach singles, we need to see communication from their perspective.

You hit what you aim for.

You have singles in your life right now. Perhaps there are singles in your family, workplace, neighborhood, or maybe it is yourself. The question for a single-friendly church is “Will your leadership, sermons, and groups offer a place for singles to connect?” William Carry said, “Attempt great things for God, and expect great things from God.” At Table for One Ministries we want to empower you to reach your entire community. We would love to partner with your church and other churches in your area to equip them to see single adults. Read more about how we do this on our website, www.tfoministries.org, or email PJ at pj@tfoministries.org.